A storm woke me up.

That in itself is rather strange--I can sleep through anything. Earthquakes, fire alarms, persistent phone calls. Tonight seems to be the exception.

I say to myself, You're not twelve--you don't sleep with the lights on.

A bolt illuminates my room through the cracks in the curtains, casting everything in a eerie blue glow. The room looks strange--familiar items tainted a dangerous color. Ghostly. An inverted room, briefly transformed.

Okay. Just this once.

I draw the curtains. It isn't enough. Blue-white light peeks in behind beige fabric with all the substantialness of a photographer's flash. Instinctively my head turns, just enough time to register the after image, to have the light burn against my eyeballs. Thunder sounds again and again, a repeating cycle.

Lights flicker. Where is my flashlight? Another stab of nervousness, this time more pronounced. Quickly, I rummage in the kitchen cabinets before pulling out a cheap red flashlight. The brightness of the color is startling, almost tacky against the ferociousness of the weather around me.

Again, thunder cracks. The word simply isn't large enough, big enough, to capture what is happening. Sound is overflowing, buffeting against my small apartment building as something somewhere shakes and bends, cowed by the unbelievably angry sound. I feel the noise bounce around my insides, doing no damage but just there, creating a sense of awe and fear in nature that I'd all but forgotten. I wonder distantly if the world is breaking.

Carefully, I count the seconds the noise lasts. When it hits five I grab my stuffed animal companion, a tattered black and white whale, one of the only remnants of my childhood. My fingers curl around the ratty fabric and into a form made compact over years of use. Just this once.

The sound hurts. There's a pair of red and black workshop earmuffs I brought from America--thick egg shaped pieces of foam and plastic. I thrust them over my ears but even so, the thunder slams against me.

In between strikes I hear the distant wail of sirens, briefly audible for a few seconds despite the steady drum of rain on asphalt. I taste bile in my mouth--as laughable there's a level of fear, coating everything like a fine powder. Something is being destroyed this night and I can only hope to providence that it's not me.

Who gets scared in a normal storm? This monster reminds me why, sometimes, there's good sense to be afraid.

Well, once again I'm packing up my possessions for a move. This is the second Tokyo-transition and my third overall in the last two and a half months. Jaunty.

The difference this time is that I have a lot more stuff. A lot more stuff. No one else is living in the apartment after I leave, which means I am casing it. And casing it good.

So far, my list of devious scavenger possessions is as follows:
1. One Christmas tree, 4 feet tall
2. Two bags of related cooking spices and canned foods.
3. One two feet long string of Christmas lights and numberous tinsel products.
4. Books. Many many books.
5. Stationary
6. A space heater.
7. Pillows.
8. A pale blue fleece blanket
9. ALL the cookware. Mwahah!
10. A backup hairdryer
11. Plastic organizers and baskets and bears oh my.


I'm sick of moving around. It seems that every time I start to settle, it's either intangible or is yanked from underneath my foot. I hope this place is permament.

And there's still so much to do. I have to pack clothes and deal with dishes and everything else in my room. God, will that be fun. Yay.

It's amazing how cold this apartment can be. I have the heating unit and a space heater going full blast and my toes are still cold. I don't think even a hairdryer will save me now; tomorrow, I will be a Popsicle.

Okay. Here is an attempt at a non-melancholy post. Let's see how I do:

Today I have allergies. That's...surprisingly different. I haven't had them at all since I've been here, and now they want to play. Bah.

Two days ago, Meridel and I played in Takadanobaba, where I found a nice selection of English books. We also did karaoke which was....incredibly fun, but incredibly expensive. Eeesh. I will not tell you how much it cost, but we stayed 4 hours. I don't regret it, but it made my mouth drop in horror.

There isn't much else to say at present. I'm tired and I don't want to work. I want to be paid. I want security.

But then again, I also want a pony.

So...

We still haven't been paid. The word on the street is confusing, contradictory, and full of nothing remotely helpful. These are good times, people!

Yeah. Not. Really, really not.

Today on my lunch break, I heard my name called in stilted English. Turning, I discovered that Shingo had followed me out of the building. Shingo is an older Japanese man, a former professional dancer and one of my favorite students. His English is fantastic, and he's not even in the upper levels. Anyway, Shingo stops and looks at me as I turn to greet him and immediately asks, "Elizabeth, is everything alright? You've seemed really tired lately..."

just about lost it, then.

I told Shingo that things were rough right now. I'd been evicted from my apartment the week before, Nova was in a good bit of trouble, and everything was uncertain. He nodded solemnly, saying that everyone knew that, that it was in the papers. God knows it has been.

I started trying to say we're making the best of it, when Shingo politely cut me off. He said "if it's not good, maybe you should think about resigning." And I would, God, would I, except I haven't yet been able to find a job. I only started looking but the two feelers I put out so far have come back utterly cold. I'm trying to explain this in light, indifferent words but I just can't do it. My face is strained, my words are cracking. I know I'm upset and I know it shows. Shingo saw how much I was unhinged.

He told me quietly that he thought things were going to get better. I smiled and said thank you, but I couldn't do too much more since my eyes were starting to blur with tears. It's hard now. So fucking hard. And then I beat a hasty retreat, not wanting to cry in front of my awesome student. Shingo just smiled sadly, shook my hand, and I left.

It's so hard to be calm right now. I forgot how difficult it is to be an optimist.

Just to make it clear, I'm still having a good time in Japan. I really like being here, I get to hang out with Meridel a lot, and I've made some really great friends. The only problem is the lack of stability my life has right now.

If the things that are worrying me can turn out alright, I'll be really happy.

So, I haven't been back to Higashi Murayama since Saturday morning and really that was a-ok with me. I'm not thrilled with this place, I don't like it at all, really. Unfortunately, for the time being it's where I live and that's it.

However, I spent the last two days and about $80 buying furnishings with Meridel for my room and now it's all been assembled. I like it a lot more now, though I still don't really care for it. The color helps a lot though. There's lots of reds in my room.

( Now I is showing you! Click the link for pictures )

Oh, look! Me in Ikebukuro!



Oh, look! Hat! I can has hat!

...

Anyway, one more thing. Here's a generically non-offensive picture of me in one of the shrines in Sugamo. It was raining and gloomy, but the trees seemed even more lush because of it.



There you go. Just in case you thought I'd really died and had been replaced by evil terrifying space monkeys.

Wouldn't that be just awful.

Okay, so I'm more or less moved into my new apartment. It's....good and it's not so good.

Not so good first -- my room. It's pretty bad. It's small and there are angles in all the wrong places. The closet is about a foot wide. I miss my old place so bad right now...I want to go back to Bubaigawara and stay there.

There's nothing here, in Higashi-murayama. Nothing. No shops or restaurants or anything that I can really see. The place has a practically deserted feeling. I suppose that could be good under the right circumstances but now, it just feels really lonely. I feel really lonely.

I can't force pushpins into the wall where I need to put shelves. There is no other place that I can see that will work with the shelves. There is a row of added hanging clothes hooks in the completely wrong place. Most of the outlets are six feet from the floor. The only other ground outlet is on the wrong side.

Sigh.

The roommates seem sort of indifferent to me. I only met one and I met the previous tenant who lived in my room as she's crashing here for a few more days.

The Bubai apartment had a feeling of airyness and light. This just feels dark, and my room is a little confining. I don't think I like it here

I don't have the time (or the energy, for that matter) to write about exactly what has been happening in the last few days. It's been bad though.

Pretty bad.

The long and short of it is, I got kicked out of my apartment. Nova didn't pay the rent on this place for two months, and when they tried to, the Landlords told us to get out. I can't say I blame them; Nova's not so hot right now on any books that matter.

So I'm moving. Today, to be precise. An hour or two. Everything is packed up.

For those who want to know exactly what the fuck has been going on the last three days, don't worry. Recounts are coming. I'm upset and numb, bordering on disgust for what the company has done to us. However, protests and emotional outpourings, while illuminating, are not precisely helpful at present. But I'm going to write soon about it. Oh God am I going to write.

For now though, it's okay. Not good, but surviving. I have a new place to stay, Nova actually is helping us move, and I think my new room will be bigger than my old one. There are some upsides, though not few. I'm trying to be optimistic but yeah, it's not pretty.

I think most of all, I'm sad to lose this apartment. It's a beautiful place, I mean that in every sense of the word, and I will never see a Tokyo apartment like this again. Without exaggeration, it's better than a lot of American apartments of similar types. I'll post pictures of it later, when it's not so raw. Right now, it's a whole lot of raw.

I don't want to move, but I have no choice. The denial and anger and misery have all come and gone, but what remains is a gray sense of melancholy. I didn't want this to happen. I was happy here.

So, to end this, here are three pictures.



This is what my bedroom looked like three days ago. I spent a lot of money on matching futon covers (the blanket), three pillows, three pillow cases, and a bedsheet. I finished unpacking my room completely which was a cause for shameless self-satisfied picture taking. That picture was taken two hours before I found out I was evicted. Perhaps the most ironic day I have ever had.



This is what my room looks like now. Everything is packed up or boxed and my bedding is folded in the kitchen. Half the time it doesn't bother me but the other half I recognize that feeling as a coping strategy. It does bother me; I didn't want to leave and I have to and it's sad. It's fucking difficult. I've never been forcibly kicked out of a place I didn't want to leave.



And finally, this is a picture of the few outside my room about five minutes ago. The sunlight was shining down between the trees and I think for one moment everything looked golden. As if it was glowing from within, from an internal source. It was breathtaking, but in a slightly melancholy way.

I took that picture five minutes ago and already the gold is gone. Now it's getting dark. There's something particularly poignant about that, bordering on ironic, but I can't set it to words.

Well.

Mandy came home and just told us that we're evicted from our apartment.

I was having such a good day, too...

Things I like about Japan
- The Scenery
- The many cute things I can buy anywhere
- Melon bread!
- Chu-hi
- Sakura liquer
- Yakitori
- Gyoza
- Shumai
- Manju
- Chopsticks!
- Tokyo's strangeness
- The awesomeness of the trains
- Akihabara
- How quickly metropolitan Tokyo turns surprisingly traditional
- Hama-rikyu teien
- Yoyogi Park
- Harajuku
- Strange things you see every single day
- 24 hour internet cafes
- 24 hour karaoke clubs
- Tokyo fashion
- Seeing cute highschoolers in their uniforms
- Milk tea
- So much tea
- Clear umbrellas



Things I don't like about Japan
- Last train being around midnight
- Expensive cost of living
- Not being fluent in the native language
- Getting stared at for being a gaijin
- So. much. seafood
- So. much. seaweed
- Really expensive fruit and vegetables wtf!
- Humidity X_x
- So much rain
- Crowded trains
- Crowded places
- Japanese toilets (traditional)
- Pillows having tiny plastic pellets for packing
- Shinjuku train station
- No ponies
- Weighing much more than every almost every person I see
- Not being able to find American clothing or shoe sizes

Oh, day. What a day. I did many many things.

Last night was...unusual. I had plans with Meridel to go have dinner in Fuchu since she was working in Medaimai that day and I work in Hachioji (both on the Keio line). So I kill time at the used book store in Hachioji...picked up Deception Point by Dan Brown for 300 yen (bah) and two volumes of Card Captor Sakura manga for 100 yen each (whee!). Anyway, I get a panicked call from Mandy who says she left her keys in the apartment and can I give her mine. So with a bit of creative engineering, we manage to trade off books and keys in the 30 seconds that the train stops at Bubaigawara before moving on. Success!

Success was moderate only though since Meridel was about an hour late for meeting me, due to a train mistake. No problem except that she left her cellphone at home and couldn't call me. Aie! Eventually it all worked out though, and we wander around Fuchu in the rain, cold and hungry.

And then Spencer calls.

Clarification: Last tuesday in Akihabara Meridel and I went into a large game store. And as inevitably happens in Akihabara, or anywhere in Tokyo really...I saw a display case for Crisis Core. Aie. This time however, as I'm lamenting about the fact that Crisis Core taunts me, a moderately tall Asian male comes up to me and says, in perfect English, "you really should play that."

Meridel and I share similar expressions of "buh?"

Turns out the boy, whose name is in fact Spencer, is a California boy who works for a video game company, and has been in Tokyo since the Tokyo game show. The three of us talk for a while, exchange phone information and email, and make tentative plans for next sunday to go to Shinjuku and have a drink. I recall him saying he'd call us, Meridel remembered him saying we should call him. Not precisely reassuring. After a conference, we decided that if he called, we'd make plans on the spot and if he didn't, we'd call him back next weekend.

Well, he called.

So we all went to Shinjuku and we all went drinking. The Hub is one of my favorite restaurant/pub choices--an English bar which is more or less accurate except for the music. We go, eventually snag a table and have a good time.

For the first 30 minutes, there is one group of Japanese people to our left. They keep staring at me. At us, I'm not sure. But there was staring, of the fantastically annoying variety. Eventually they leave...to be replaced by another group of Nihonjin, who similarly start staring. Spencer decides this is enough, turns to look at them and says "hey." They say "hey" back! And drunken revelry is born.

It really was a good time. Though when Spencer started shouting "Tower Beer! Tower Beer!" (they have the giant 2 foot tall glasses in the Hub) I thought we were going to get kicked out. But we didn't and it was a good time. Spencer right now is working doing video game marketing, and apparently he's doing the Japan thing for the reasons so many of us do...taking a break from life.

WTB [Hiatus] PST!

Anyway, Spencer says he's a biochemistry student who does work designing vaccines and what not, but he didn't feel like going for his PHD just yet. Huh. Kinda puts my own origins to shame, a bit.

Well, it was a good time. We talked about video games, Spencer and I, though I am still apologetic for boring Meridel about all things Final Fantasy related. Eventually though Meridel and I had to catch last train so we headed out. But I made plans to hang out with Spencer in Shibuya tomorrow; I haven't been there yet, and I can play Crisis Core! Wheeee!

So, yeah, we'll see what happens with that. Also, I cannot remember the last time I was so giggly tipsy. Heh.

Anyway, today was busy and productive in a domestic way. I went to Fuchuhonmachi to get my Alien Registration card. This accomplished I went to a department store and purchased a blanket cover, two pillows (not filled with tiny plastic pellets thank you jesus), two pillow covers, and a futon cover. This set me back 9000 yen, somewhere around $80. Ouch.

Still though, my room is clean and nice looking. The comforter cover is a pale brown and beige plad stripe, and the pillow covers match. Also, today, I bought a laundry basket (thank god) from the kmart-like store a block from my home. Now my room is for the first time completely cleaned up, and that's god damned exciting. Laundry has been done and is hanging outside, dishes have bene washed (all of them, ew) and the trash taken out.

I'm realy the most pleased about the fact that my room is finally unpacked. It's a good feeling and it makes everything here seem a little less transitory. Heh.

My current concern is what to do for dinner. I don't really feel like cooking, but I suppose I should. I could go get dinner somewhere but I am not really in the mood of eating alone. Hmm

We'll see what happens. In more ways than one, I suppose.

It’s a little before nine am, and already the humidity is rising, making its presence felt with a sort of warning finger—this is not the time to go outside, or anytime to go outside, or you will pay for it dearly in discomfort, perspiration, and general annoyance.

No one listens, of course. How could they? If the country stopped for inclement weather, nobody would fucking go anywhere. Already here, there’s been a typhoon, which took two good (albeit flimsy) umbrellas to a watery grave and enough sunlight to warrant a mild sunburn. The weather here is full of contradictions.

And contradictions seem to be one of the most fundamental building blocks of Japan.  Fuchu is a choice example; a suburb, decently far out on the Keio line. The buildings here, except for the apartments of course, don’t rise up more than a few stories. Everything is crammed together, levels with no space to walk between; hell, it was probably <i>planned</i> that way.

And yet, you can’t  go more than a hundred meters (God damn you Metric, I resist you and all your temptations!) without seeing greenery. There are houses now, houses with American size standards, all walled in with massive stone walls that only sport tiny peepholes arranged in artistically traditional patterns. Still, between  those stolen glances are glimpses of a completely different era. A slanted roof, comprised of scooped, dark black tiles. Wooden foundation beams. A scripted family name plaque above the door. They’re everywhere and they don’t fit, not with modern architecture, not with the rest of the area, hell certainly not in <i>Tokyo</i> of all places. But when jumbled together, and taken in, it simply seems….quaint.

The Kendo studio is probably the most massive property I walk past, traditional lines and gardens and all and it sits squarely across from a used electronic store. There are arcade machine sellers, ranging from pachinko to slots, and next to them sit small wooden shacks adjacent to properties: prime retail positions for older women to peddle a few bags of fruits and vegetables to passers by. 1200 yen for a few giant apples? What’s not to like? 

Tokyo doesn’t make <i>sense</i>. Maybe if you stay here long enough, the oddities start to fade into the background. Or maybe not.  Perhaps that’s part of the appeal.

Jesus Christ on a piece of toast. I leave in two days

The clothes are crammed into a suitcase, not packed. Just crammed. I have to go through my dvds and games and pick some appropriate titles, install MS Office and a couple of other maintenance items on my new laptop, work through the manual of my new Canon SD850, and all that jazz. There is so much jazz.

I don't know how to iron some of these shirts, they're designed so weird. I have to get some checks cashed. I have to not explode in a firey blaze of packing. Oh yeah. This is gonna go great.

I'm oscillating between weary resignation, tense excitement, and abject terror.I also can't decide whether or not to stay up the whole night before I leave, since I'd have to wake up at 3 to catch my flight anyway. Hmm.

My brain is working overtime on surface levels only. Everything else inside my head is staring dully at my passport, thinking wait, I decided to do WHAT now? Christ.

Two days!